Friday, September 5, 2008

Between naivete and paranoia exists conscious bliss

Christian came to visit my second to last week in Malawi, and we spent the week traveling. It was a very different experience for me to spend a week as a tourist, a traveler, as opposed to someone who lives and works in one place. I'm glad I got to experience both.

The hardest part of traveling in Malawi is the "how" of traveling. Since we don't "drive british" (or on the left side of the road) we decided not to rent a car. (and even when things got hairy and we looked into renting a car, it was very expensive, even for U.S. standards). So we took public transport, at least on the way there. While public transport is really getting in there with the local people and seeing what their day to day life is like, and it's fun and you come away with great stories, it's also very dangerous for a variety of reasons. It's dangerous because the buses are driven till they literally fall apart (many of them have doors held on by bungee cords and the like), they are stuffed chock full of people, who are usually accompanied by their children, bags of groceries, clothes, things to sell, chickens, etc. and the drivers are pretty fast and reckless.

So, yes, it's a very colorful, "African" experience, and truth be told, I love those memories...the beautiful scenery flying by, the wind blowing the hot stale air. (I'm sure the fact that I basically passed out every time I got on one helped to ignore the danger...in the U.S. I also fall asleep easily in moving vehicles, but for some reason it was amplified in Malawi and I couldn't help but be lulled into slumber.) But then there is the side of me that just hopes nothing happens and I don't regret getting on the bus. It's all about finding your comfort level with such things in Africa. On the one hand, you think people do this everyday. But they don't necessarily have a choice. And I don't need to put myself in harm's way if I have other options. It's really about weighing how dangerous something actually is.

I am happy to say that I now remember the anxiety I was feeling about traveling to and about Malawi--because since I am remembering it, it is something that has left me. I definitely went through this odd phase before I left for Malawi where I was very anxious and scared about things, and it really annoyed me. I worried that it was because I was getting "older". But I will tell you that everything to hear and read about Africa in America definitely contributed.

It was such an interesting experience to see Malawi through the eyes I have now, and compare that with the eyes I had when I went to Mali three years ago. When J and I attended the West African dance class and then saw the trip to Mali, Africa was a new idea. The opportunity appeared, and it seemed right, and exciting. I didn't even know that Mali was a country till I heard about the trip.

In Mali I became smitten with Africa, and learned everything I could over the next three years, including the names of all 54 African nations. So this time around I had heard plenty about the poor road conditions, the number of people that die, and the diseases. So to be honest, I was feeling a little on the paranoid side when I left, which was not normal for me. What this does speak to is the saying that "Ignorance is bliss" but also that "Knowledge is power" and that there is a delicate balance to strike between the two--which is more like a dance, as it moves, flows and evolves.

So what I've been trying to say is that I found that balance for myself in Malawi.In Mali I was too naive and before leaving for Malawi I was too paranoid. I noticed a little anger with myself this time around for finding fun in dangerous situations in Mali. For instance, I rode around on Madou's motorbike with no helmet, something I would never do in the States. Truth be told, we never went on the highway and probably never went above 30 just riding around town. Still. But I have changed my ways and will not ride om a bike without a helmet no matter what country I am in. In fact, I probably could have done so in Malawi but did not. I was happy to see that more people seemed on board with wearing helmets there. Luckily being back in Africa I was able to relax and use my knowledge (and a few trips to the hospital to make sure I didn't have malaria helped. In fact, I still ask to be tested for malaria every time I go to the doctor even here, and it's definitely a sensible thing to consider after traveling to particular areas).

And so I say all this for you who are intrigued with traveling to Africa, or other places, but feel held back by all you hear. I also like to keep in mind that there are dangers anywhere, and while I worried about some things in Malawi I would never worry about here, there are also dangers to consider in parts of the U.S. that are not a concern in Malawi. There are many dangers to be taken seriously in Africa, and I lived responsibly according to those, but I was also free to enjoy myself, to live and learn and experience within those parameters. So I hope that is what you can find also, in your adventures, whether they take you to the next town over or across the world.

Back in the U S of A

I am back now and I hit the ground running with the normal whirlwind tour a visit to Chicago is, maybe even more so with two weddings and the associated activities. I held up pretty well, though I never took a breather and nearly fell over after I reached California and got off the plane and started learning to drive stick shift! :) Life is definitely slowing down now, but it was great to have that "booster" of family and friends in Chicago. So, America wasn't too much of a shock, probably because I had been to Africa before and already had the eye opening experience of returning back to the land of over-abundance (in a material sense).

So what moments have struck me? Sitting at the dinner table my first night back, in Chicago with my family, I was full and thought to give my leftovers to someone outside (Sam and I always gave our leftovers to our guard, who stayed outside the house) but in our middle class neighborhood, there would be no one on the street to give my food to.

I also had this "space" moment since being in L.A...I was going to a school for work, and I was the only person outside in this expanse of streets, houses, cars and a school...in Blantyre, there would be lots of people in that space. And, of course, I am in California, which is one of the most purposely spaced places in the country.

I think I remembered to appreciate my first automatic hot shower (just turning the knob, rather than having to boil water first) and I also noticed my first night sleeping without a mosquito net...although sleeping under the mosquito net was kind of like a nice cocoon, it was just a lot of work getting in and out of bed.

I definitely went on a funny food thing, like wanting everything and anything at once, like Janine and Dan having to watch me eat a milkshake, cheese sticks and half of a burrito at a diner after Danie & Kirby's wedding...:) And the night that I had two dinners! One with my family in South Bend, and another out with Timothy that night. (For the sake of not looking like a glutton, I didn't eat much at the first meal :)

Ah, speaking of gluttony, and America, or rather consumerism ... Consumerism is something I did not miss. I was so happy with whatever I had in Malawi. There weren't coffee shops on every corner beckoning me to spend four dollars on a drink. And then if I "give in" to it, I feel guilty. Luckily I'm at a place where I am happy with my body, so at least it's not double guilt, just guilt for spending money.

Maybe the money thing does relate to how as Americans, we are alone more often. As I mentioned above, there were always people around in Malawi. Even outside the city in the villages... well, I'm sure if I was a Malawian who lived in the bush, I could find myself alone. But for me, I was always with other co-workers firstly, and secondly, white people are not a common occurrence in rural areas, so I know wherever I am, people will appear.

The fact that there are always people around was one of the things I discovered and enjoyed about Africa when I was in Mali. I like that if I want to be alone, I can be, but if I want to be with people, even if we are doing our own thing and it's just about company, there is always that opportunity. It just feels much more natural, much more real life, than the contrived feeling of empty streets and sidewalks in California.

Here in L.A. as a newly single person with only so many friends here, I'm alone a lot, so I'll do things like go to or rent a movie, or yoga class, or a coffee shop...all things that cost money! Hence, the connection... sometimes it seems like in America, if we want to be around other people, we have to do something that costs money.

(Ok, exceptions being parks and the beach, which I choose to embrace this weekend, since it is HOT in L.A...and for all those people who asked where my tan was since I was in Africa but it was winter :)...I'm stealing the last bits of summer rays I can).